Coffee, snacks, and Jesus talk

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 23:44:38 GMT

Well, I did it. I created a new blog. I decided I'm still going to keep this account open so that I can log on and read what all of you lovely people have to say every once in awhile. Anyway, new blog is: www.juliannedunn.blogspot.com if you're interested.

Sun, 04 Jan 2009 04:19:02 GMT

So... I'm thinking about deleting this lj and starting a new blog of some sort, whether it be on livejournal or not.
I was just going to rename this one, but then I found out that lj sucks and you have to pay 15 dollars to rename your account. Which is extremely lame.
Anyway, just thought I'd share. I'll let you know when (if) I make a decision.

Crazy times, crazy measures.

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 17:28:44 GMT

You're in for a long one...

Wow, what a week this has been. We'll start there before we get on to all of the New Year's stuff.
Christmas was good. I guess. We had our small Christmas morning with my parents and brother. I got a kitten, so we spent a lot of time keeping track of him between opening presents. He's super cute though, and currently tearing around my room for no apparent reason. The fun never ends. My sister and Rob came down in the evening and Megan came over and we did presents and had dinner and it was nice. We drove to Canada Friday for a ski weekend. Only we got there and it poured for two days. Saturday we sat around and slept all day and watched The Hills. We went to see a movie to end the boredom. My mom and I went to see Marley and Me, everyone else went to Valkyrie. Sunday we went shopping, bowling, had dinner, played pool for a long time, then went bowling again. Finally Monday we got to ski during the day, and it was like a blizzard on the mountain. I got stuck with some kid from Toronto chatting me up all the way up the hill, and not much else exciting happened. The drive home was long, but somehow Addison, Megan, and I pretzeled together and got comfortable. I honestly question how we got into the position, not to mention how it was comfortable. Tuesday I slept late and did a whole lot of nothing, then went to bible study with the girls, which led to some interesting discussions, but yet got us basically nowhere, I feel. Not that that's a bad thing.
Yesterday my mom and I went to the gym and did some shopping and then came home. I took a shower and got ready, and then went to Chey's for awhile. Even though I haven't seen anyone in a week and a half, I feel like I've missed nothing. Which is not necessarily a bad thing, but it just confirms my feelings about that group. I talked to Kami and Ryan for awhile, and then took my leave. I drove out to Shannon's, and I guess all I can say is that it makes me more excited for college. There weren't a lot of people there, about seven in all, but we still had fun and had crazy conversations, and for once I went somewhere and didn't know anyone and it wasn't awkward. They were all really inviting and nice and talked to me like I was actually a person, even though one of the guys said, "Oh, so you're a little kid then..." He was kidding. But he's a classical guitar major at CCM, and I think the fact that I even knew what that was broke te ice, because we managed to talk all night. There was poker, watching the ball drop, watching Shannon and Matt play Madden, hot tubbing, and ping pong. Nothing special. No wild, crazy running around screaming or anything. Just chill time. Matt and Kj finally left at 3:15ish, so Shannon and I just went to bed after that. But it was cool. I woke up around 10:30 this morning and took off, spent some time with my parents this morning, and now I'm here.

And now since it's that time of year, I suppose I should probably make some reflections about 2008. But the thing is, there's nothing new to reflect on. Like any other year, I made some bad choices, I made some good choices. I got in pointless fights with people over nothing, and I learned a lot. I met new people, and tried to salvage ties with old friends. I had my heart broken. I was close to Jesus, and I was far far far away from Him. I made lots of plans for my life, and am realizing that it doesn't matter what I think or plan or try to control about anything, because none of it is in my hands. I am challenged everyday to face my fears, work on the things that I struggle with, but it's ok that I don't always win. We learn from our mistakes, so it almost doesn't feel like a mistake to make them.
I feel like there's not a lot of point to looking at the past. The only thing that matters is what's now, and what's coming. Sure, we can learn from the past, but there's no way to know you're not going to make the same mistake, or make mistakes at all. You will. So I guess now I'm sitting here, thinking about my life and all of the things that I want to change and work on and get done this year, but we all know that I will always sit here thinking about those things. And I lost the point of that thought. But that's ok. I guess I'm done.

For I know the plans I have for you; plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 19:35:01 GMT

Break has been thoroughly enjoyable so far. I have not answered my phone, I have not replied to messages. I am on holiday hiatus from everything related to school.
Friday I sat around doing a whole lot of nothing. When I finally tried to leave I got stuck in the driveway for 25 minutes until someone came and took pity on me and helped push me out. I went to an openhouse at my pastor's house, and then drove all the way out to Eastwood Towne Center to go to Forever 21, only to find out that they had punked out 6 days before Christmas because of a little snow. I was not happy. I went to Meridian Mall and took my board in to get the bindings fixed, which they did for free, and then I wandered around looking for Christmas presents.
Saturday I drove out to my grandparents' to pick some stuff up and then got stuck at the end of their road. I went back out to Forever 21 and then to WalMart and got almost all of my Christmas shopping done. The openhouse was fun, with large amounts of different church families. I talked to my grandma for most of the night and sat back and watched people interact. It's neat.
Sunday was church and a whole lot of sitting around reading the Chronicles of Narnia by the fire.
Monday I slept late then got things ready for the Crew party. The party was fun, although everyone had really lame gifts, which wasn't as fun.
Yesterday I drove around Lansing a little bit, finished my Christmas shopping, and then dropped some stuff off at the Scout Office and got Beaner's. I came home and spent far too much time primping for our small group Christmas party. But it was so worth it. I love all of those girls and it's so much fun just to get to chill out with everyone sometimes.

Very soon I'm going to change out of sweats and go to Riverview for church at 4:00. We're doing stuff in Eaton Rapids tonight, and I'm making baby clam sauce for dinner. Christmasy things tomorrow, then we're leaving for Canadia on Friday for a weekend of skiing.
Merry Christmas to all!!!

You don't have to read this...

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 02:29:15 GMT

I went to Riv again this morning. I think that God was calling me to hear the message again.
And see, here's the thing, I still don't get it. I've now heard relatively the same thing three times, and I'm not entirely sure what that's supposed to mean. Fear of man... sure. I care about what other people think. It's true. I rely on other people to solve my problems and set my examples instead of looking to Jesus. But really? I almost envy the people who are struggling with one huge thing in their lives. I know that it's super hard for them, to let go of that one thing. But it's hard, too, for me to figure out what it is that I'm supposed to let go of.
I like going on Sundays by myself. Not because I get ADD or whatever sitting with my friends on Saturdays. But just because I open up to worship more when people aren't there that I know. And that's probably the kind of thing that we've been talking about... I don't know. It's weird for me to have people around that I know I'm going to see again when I am at my weakest. Maybe it's easier to stand next to girls I don't know crying than it is to let it go when I'm smooshed between Teresa and Shannon.

I haven't gotten nearly enough accomplished on my essay this weekend, although I think I might be finally done with actual research, it's just down to writing. Which I will hopefully get done tomorrow before dance. Hopefully. I am so exhausted. I was up with no problem at 8:00 this morning, but now I'm fading and I still have four pages to read of Frankenstein and I need to do my highlighting.
This week:
Monday: School, essay, dance.
Tuesday: the usual
Wednesday: School, Bible Study, essay
Thursday: School, making cookies? dance
Friday: Jazz band tour. =) I don't know what in the evening. Probably getting ready for the openhouse Saturday.
Saturday: Shopping? Openhouseness.

Sat, 13 Dec 2008 22:47:08 GMT

I haven't updated about my life in a long time.
But really, that's because there's not much to tell. At least there's not much that I can tell.
Things have been very up, down, and all over the place. I am learning the things that I struggle with, but yet I continue to struggle with them.
I feel like I never have anything new to say here.
Sarah and I went shopping and to the library and stuff today, and we had lots of fun. We drove around downtown for a little while trying to find the library. I officially hate one-way roads. They SUCK. Especially when you sort of don't know where you're going anyway. But it was ok. We went shopping for the kid that Mrs. Juel's classes adopted, and people got really frustrated with us for paying in change, but we were too lazy to go to the bank to get it all cashed... At least the guy at Younker's was nice about it...
Church tonight with Teresa, and then one more crazy week before break!!!!!!!

Fellowship of the Unashamed

Mon, 08 Dec 2008 00:09:46 GMT

"I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have the Holy Spirit power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made--I am a disciple of His. I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I'm finished and done with low living, sight walking, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions, worldly-talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need pre-eminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean in His presence, walk by patience, am uplifted by prayer and I labor with power.

My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions are few, my Guide is reliable, my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, hired away, turned back, diluted, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the enemy, pander at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity. I won't give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, give up till I drop, preach till all know, and work till He stops me. And when He comes my banner will be clear!" - Dr. Bob Moorehead

One of these days I will actually post for real, but oh well.

'So Austin, where's your squirrel?' 'Yeah, I still don't get the whole squirrel thing...'

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 02:18:37 GMT

It's been... awhile. Since like last Saturday or something.

My weekend was less than relaxing, but interesting to say the least.

My great aunt and uncle and their boys and their families flew in from California, so that was kind of a big deal. I think we had all of the living Dunns in the Lansing area for the first time that I can remember. And my dad's cousins and my second cousins are super nice people. We had three big family dinners at my house with several different combinations of people. Megan stayed in my room for the weekend too, so that was a lot of fun. We had family pictures done Friday. There was a lot of hanging out with Megan and Addison and my uncle and little cousin, who has to be the sweetest child I have ever met. I escaped to church on Saturday, my car had a freakout, then I had a freakout about it. I was... less than patient with my parents and sister this weekend, we could say. But I'm working on it. We had one last dinner with the Cali fam last night at my grandparents, and my great uncle talked about the Navy for awhile and it was fun.

I also considered, for the first time in my life, getting a tatoo. It probably won't last, but it was a nice thought.

School today was less than fun. I'm exhausted. And everyone is so convinced that we all had all the time in the world to get things done this weekend. I was lucky if I got a shower in. Bah.

On the plus side, 3 weeks till Christmas break. And I might be able to hang out with people this weekend. Also on the plus side, it's snowing like crazy outside and I love it. <3

And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit. Ephesians 1:13

Catch you on the flip side.

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 04:29:28 GMT

Hmmm... what to say what to say.
My life has been weird lately. Everyday I figure new things out, and it's cool, but confusing at the same time.
School has been very interesting. I love having crap classes all morning, and physics has been a lot of fun. Brit lit is just brit lit. Mrs. Juel is insane, as usual. And Shakespeare can suck it. I've realized that I'm just not connected to anyone at school, although Sarah and I have been having some good times.
Dance is so-so. I think nine classes is too many. I'm at the studio ten hours a week, and it's been more taxing than I thought.
Bible study is amazing. If I could I would lay on Randi-Kay's living room floor forever. It's cool to be surrounded by people that actually get it, and understand what's happening in my life. Spending my Saturday nights at Riverview is a similar experience.
Silverbells last night was... interesting. The parade itself was extremely frustrating, and I came off of it with a list of about ten people I'd like to shoot. I went out to dinner with my grandpa and his wife and my mom, and that was similarly frustrating. But before dinner we went to listen to my grandpa's barbershop group sing for awhile, and there was a cute boy that kept smiling at me when he wasn't singing, so that was ok.
I went to dinner at Katicus house today, and it made me feel better spending time with her. IT was weird because there were a lot of people around the whole time so I didn't get to actually spend a ton of time just talking to her, but still.
Church and Thanksgiving dinner and rehearsal tomorrow. And maybe some homework.

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 19:15:19 GMT

Long weekends are so nice.
I'm so glad exams are over. I feel like I get way more stressed out about them than I need to. I checked my grades a little while ago and I somehow managed a 100% on my world history exam, which gave me an A in the class. I never thought that was going to happen.
Other things that have been going on in my life have been going better, too. My bible study/small group is changing my life. Also, going for coffee with Randi-Kay on Wednesday made me take things into perspective a little better too. I think I've spent more time reading the Bible in the last week or so than I have in the last two years.
I went for coffee with Tasha on Friday, and it made me smile. I really haven't spent enough time with her. I hung out with Sarah at the Hayride. I really haven't spent enough time with her lately either. My sister showed up Friday night, and I had completely forgotten about that. She was only really here for a day and a half though, so it was ok. I went to Riverview again on Saturday. I love it there. I have never been somewhere that makes me feel so alive. I know most of you probably don't care, but whatever. Yesterday I got really sick and ended up throwing up a bunch.
Katicus comes home next week. I might be able to see her as early as Saturday.
Mrs. Juel hasn't put her grades in yet. I should probably do the work for her class that's due tomorrow anyway, right now I feel like going on strike.
It's snowy outside, and it makes me smile.

to write love on her arms

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 18:04:10 GMT

Even though nobody has asked me about it, this was kinda cool. And I had fun taking pictures. =)
There's more here.

Mon, 10 Nov 2008 01:14:55 GMT

My life as of late has been less than thrilling.
This weekend has been up and down.
Kami came over on Friday and we had fun walking around in the fields behind my house. Yesterday I sat around and did absolutely nothing. I went to Riverview last night. I liked it there. I think I'll probably go back, which is good, I guess. This morning we had a pancake breakfast for Crew. We raised $200 and I had a lot of fun hanging out with the crew, but it's been a terribly long day. I had dance from 2-4 which had already exhausted me and put me in a bad mood, and then my grandpa and his wife showed up for dinner, which I had forgotten about.
I've been fighting with my mom on and off since I got home. I'm just not in the mood for people.
I'm starting to stress out because I'm starting to finally see that we really have no money. My mom always said that before, but it had never stopped us from doing anything, and we always got the bills paid somehow. She told me today that she realized today that she'd spent the money she'd set aside to pay taxes in December. And also that she and my dad are quitting dance because we can't afford. You cannot begin to imagine how awful this makes me feel.
I'm going to pick up an application to reapply to River's Bend tomorrow. Because I have time to get a job...

Schedule for the week:
Monday: Schoolio. Probably cleaning. Dance.
Tuesday: School. Lessons. Dance.
Wednesday: School. Band council. Hanging out with Randi-Kay. Small group/bible study. Studying?
Thursday: School. Studying. Yay.
Friday: School. Crawling into a hole and dying. Band hayride.

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 23:30:24 GMT

Sometimes I feel like every little random observation I make gets blown out of proportion. People get so worked up about things that I honestly just say in passing. I'm not trying to pick a fight with anyone, I don't even feel strongly about 75% of the things that I say. So chill out.
I'm getting tired of finding out why someone's been acting weird two weeks after the fact. I'm pretty straight up with almost everyone, and yet so many people that I love feel the need to hide things from me and not tell me the truth. I don't really understand it.
I'm ready to be done with this term. I'm going to miss World History and (although most days I don't want to admit it) my Spanish class a bunch, but I'm just ready for a fresh start.
I feel like I'm growing and changing every day. I think about the way that I've dealt with a lot of hard things lately and I realize that there's no way I could have gotten through them two months ago. And I think that's cool.
I went shopping and running around yesterday, bombed my all-state audition (surprise surprise), and then went to Fall Brawl. I feel like people took things a little too seriously, but I had a ton of fun.
Today I slept in and used my extra hour to finish my essay. I still haven't done any other homework, but I'm glad that I have that done and out of the way. We had company classes today, and that was fun, I guess. I feel like I'm improving and it makes me smile.
I made a bunch of new icons Friday night, and played with my new photo software update cause I'm a nerd like that.
I guess that's all. This is a semi-pointless post. Oops.

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 02:10:10 GMT

I'm not entirely sure why I'm updating. I never am anymore.
Honestly though, I'm not entirely sure why I'm doing any of the things that I'm doing anymore.

I'm making my journal not friends-only anymore. I feel like maybe I will update more when I'm not constantly writing just for the same people.

I've been on a total emotional roller coaster for the last three or four weeks. Every day it's something different going on, and I'm feeling different and I don't know what to do with any of it. I know what I should do. I realized that tonight, that I know exactly what I should do, but I don't know how to do it.
Chey's party Saturday was fun, I guess. I went on a looooong walk and talk with Josh. It was nice, but every time I talk to people I see everyone in a different light. I've gotten super cynical.
I've had 16 hours of sleep and way too much caffeine in the last three days. I'm trying to get my life together. I don't think this is the way to do it. But I want to get my grades up. And dancing fifty million hours a week on top of lessons and all state auditions this weekend does not exactly get the job done.
We started a bible study this week with a bunch of peeps from dance. I'm super excited, and I'm glad that I have my Wednesday nights free to do stuff again.

Sat, 25 Oct 2008 04:02:36 GMT

List of random observations:
- I'm not dead. And I didn't have mono. Doctors are just dumb.
- I think that people make too big a deal about things, like seats at the football game, or senior year.
- Also, people make too big a deal about dating and relationships. I promise it's really not that hard just to tell someone how you feel. And it's also not the end of the world to say, 'Hey, let's date.' If it doesn't work out it doesn't work out. Get over it.
- It's strange that someone 2000 miles away understands how I'm feeling better than anyone else. I <3 that girl.
- This entry has taken me 50 minutes to write. I think that's a good sign to stop.

Sun, 12 Oct 2008 02:47:59 GMT

List of randomness:
- It's been a crazy week.
- I'm soooooo over marching band.
- And this whole trimester, actually.
- I love Chicago.
- I can't wait to go to Northwestern.
- I love doing stuff with my mom. It's so much fun.
- I love trains. They're a good time.
- I <3 my aunt, uncle, and cousin. I finally met a two year old that I actually find adorable.
- I miss the class of 2008. Which is ironic because the class of 2009 is trying so hard right now to take their place, and all I'm doing is missing them.
- I'm ready to be done with high school, but college feels so overwhelming right now. I'm torn.
- There is nothing left that can remind me of my summer anymore.
- I get to hang out with my brother for a few days. =)
- There are too many reminders everywhere of the past.
- I can't decide if I'm ready to move on, or if there is anything worth moving on to.
- I really, really, really need to hang out with Kami.
- Davey is coming to live here for awhile. But I think that it's a good thing.
- Sometimes I'm glad to see that other people's families don't always work either.
- I really need a shower and some sleep.
- It has been a ridiculously long weekend.

birthday parties for prostitutes.

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 22:50:55 GMT

Our pastor told this story in church on Sunday, and I liked it, so I thought I'd share.

A few years ago Tony Campolo flew to Hawaii to speak at a conference. The way he tells it, he checks into his hotel and tries to get some sleep. Unfortunately, his internal clock wakes him at 3:00 a.m. The night is dark, the streets are silent, the world is asleep, but Tony is wide awake and his stomach is growling.

He gets up and prowls the streets looking for a place to get some bacon and eggs for an early breakfast. Everything is closed except for a grungy dive in an alley. He goes in and sits down at the counter. The fat guy behind the counter comes over and asks, "What d'ya want?"

Well, Tony isn't so hungry anymore so eying some donuts under a plastic cover he says, "I'll have a donut and black coffee."

As he sits there munching on his donut and sipping his coffee at 3:30, in walk eight or nine provocative, loud prostitutes just finished with their night's work. They plop down at the counter and Tony finds himself uncomfortably surrounded by this group of smoking, swearing hookers. He gulps his coffee, planning to make a quick getaway. Then the woman next to him says to her friend, "You know what? Tomorrow's my birthday. I'm gonna be 39." To which her friend nastily replies, "So what d'ya want from me? A birthday party? Huh? You want me to get a cake, and sing happy birthday to you?"

The first woman says, "Aw, come on, why do you have to be so mean? Why do you have to put me down? I'm just sayin' it's my birthday. I don't want anything from you. I mean, why should I have a birthday party? I've never had a birthday party in my whole life. Why should I have one now?"

Well, when Tony Campolo heard that, he said he made a decision. He sat and waited until the women left, and then he asked the fat guy at the counter, "Do they come in here every night?"

"Yeah," he answered.

"The one right next to me," he asked, "she comes in every night?"

"Yeah," he said, "that's Agnes. Yeah, she's here every night. She's been comin' here for years. Why do you want to know?"

"Because she just said that tomorrow is her birthday. What do you think? Do you think we could maybe throw a little birthday party for her right here in the diner?"

A cute kind of smile crept over the fat man's chubby cheeks. "That's great," he says, "yeah, that's great. I like it." He turns to the kitchen and shouts to his wife, "Hey, come on out here. This guy's got a great idea. Tomorrow is Agnes' birthday and he wants to throw a party for her right here."

His wife comes out. "That's terrific," she says. "You know, Agnes is really nice. She's always trying to help other people and nobody does anything nice for her."

So they make their plans. Tony says he'll be back at 2:30 the next morning with some decorations and the man, whose name turns out to be Harry, says he'll make a cake.

At 2:30 the next morning, Tony is back. He has crepe paper and other decorations and a sign made of big pieces of cardboard that says, "Happy Birthday, Agnes!" They decorate the place from one end to the other and get it looking great. Harry had gotten the word out on the streets about the party and by 3:15 it seemed that every prostitute in Honolulu was in the place. There were hookers wall to wall.

At 3:30 on the dot, the door swings open and in walks Agnes and her friend. Tony has everybody ready. They all shout and scream "Happy Birthday, Agnes!" Agnes is absolutely flabbergasted. She's stunned, her mouth falls open, her knees started to buckle, and she almost falls over.

And when the birthday cake with all the candles is carried out, that's when she totally loses it. Now she's sobbing and crying. Harry, who's not used to seeing a prostitute cry, gruffly mumbles, "Blow out the candles, Agnes. Cut the cake."

So she pulls herself together and blows them out. Everyone cheers and yells, "Cut the cake, Agnes, cut the cake!"

But Agnes looks down at the cake and, without taking her eyes off it, slowly and softly says, "Look, Harry, is it all right with you if...I mean, if I don't...I mean, what I want to ask, is it OK if I keep the cake a little while? Is it all right if we don't eat it right away?"

Harry doesn't know what to say so he shrugs and says, "Sure, if that's what you want to do. Keep the cake. Take it home if you want."

"Oh, could I?" she asks. Looking at Tony she says, "I live just down the street a couple of doors; I want to take the cake home, is that okay? I'll be right back, honest."

She gets off her stool, picks up the cake, and carries it high in front of her like it was the Holy Grail. Everybody watches in stunned silence and when the door closes behind her, nobody seems to know what to do. They look at each other. They look at Tony.

So Tony gets up on a chair and says, "What do you say that we pray together?"

And there they are in a hole-in-the-wall greasy spoon, half the prostitutes in Honolulu, at 3:30 a.m. listening to Tony Campolo as he prays for Agnes, for her life, her health, and her salvation. Tony recalls, "I prayed that her life would be changed, and that God would be good to her."

When he's finished, Harry leans over, and with a trace of hostility in his voice, he says, "Hey, you never told me you was a preacher. What kind of church do you belong to anyway?"

In one of those moments when just the right words came, Tony answers him quietly, "I belong to a church that throws birthday parties for prostitutes at 3:30 in the morning."

Harry thinks for a moment, and in a mocking way says, "No you don't. There ain't no church like that. If there was, I'd join it. Yep, I'd join a church like that."

You're usually like the picture of a coke addict....

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 21:20:07 GMT

So it's been a few.
Thursday was a pretty normal day I guess. I went pointe shoe shopping in the evening and the lady is scary. Seriously. Oh, and she stole my toe pads because apparently they're terrible for my shoes. I plan to never go back there if I can help it.
Friday was a good day. School was school, then I went out for coffee with Chey and Teresa, and that hasn't happened in a long time. There was a Venture Crew meeting, and it was short, which is weird. Then I was exhausted and couldn't keep my eyes open past midnight. Pathetic.
Saturday the parade was good. I enjoyed it and didn't screw up nearly as much as I thought I would. I came home and took a nap for two hours, took a shower, took the Christmas lights down (...yeah...), and then went to Tasha's. There was much swimming and throwing people in the pool, going to the store with Chey, and then sitting and talking to Meg(h)an, Megan, and Jordan which was different, but nice.
Yesterday I got up and went to church, met the new youth leader, and then came home and ~~did homework~~ tried to do homework and fell asleep instead. My grandma came for dinner and then I sat around doing nothing. My mom is bugging me about college. I scheduled a visit to Northwestern for October 10. Eek. I'm not old enough to do this.
Today after school I went to coffee with my old youth leader hoping that she could make me feel less guilty and not confused, but it didn't work. Is it bad that I'm angry? Probably... Oh well.

Schedules...

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 04:02:38 GMT

School:
Jazz Band
Brit Lit
Marching Band
English 11/ACT Prep
World History

Monday:
School
Ballet 8:00-9:00
Pointe 9:00-9:30

Tuesday:
School
Oboe lesson 4:00-4:30
Tumbling 5:00-5:45
Int. Hip Hop 5:45-6:30
Lyrical company 7:15-7:45
Jazz 7:45-8:45
Adv. Hip Hop 8:45-9:30

Wednesday:
School
Band 6:00-9:00

Thursday:
School
Jazz company: 8:30-9:30

So other than Tuesday, a pretty decent schedule.

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 02:12:39 GMT

Summer is almost over. It’s amazing how much has happened and changed in the last two and a half months. At the end of the school year I was ready to be done with school forever. I was tired of high school boys and their bullshit. I was helping a friend through some of the hardest times of her life. But things got better. I spent some time with Stephanie and realized that I had more in common with her than I ever would have guessed. I started off the summer spending every morning with Kami running my ass off to get in shape. I started talking to Jacob and spending time with him, remembering what it feels like to actually be appreciated by someone. I was feeling reckless and invincible, and I’m so glad that I didn’t have more consequences for some of the things that I know I did. I tried to make myself believe that I could do the no-strings-attached relationship and come off of it fine. If I could have achieved that over this summer then I would know that I had truly gotten strong. I could have done it, I’m sure of it. I could be walking away from that relationship right now, if everything had worked out that way. But life is never predictable that way.

MIC changed my life. The two weeks I spent with those people made me realize more about human nature. The girls I bonded with were just like any girls; they had crushes on the boys and loved to shop. We had trouble convincing them to go talk to said boys, and it was so much fun to see everyone grow and bond. And of course I spent time with Jc, a boy that I didn’t know could exist. If spending time with Jacob could make me feel appreciated, spending time with Jc made me feel loved more than I have… ever. And I’m sorry if that sounds cheesy and romance-novel-ish. It’s true. It’s hard to understand that someone I had only known for two weeks could still know exactly why I was upset when I was, or be able to say the things to make me laugh when I wanted to cry. I feel like I changed, too, when I said goodbye. I grew in each of those moments, knowing that these were friends that I may never see again, or at least not for a year or more. I formed one friendship though, that I know will last, and that’s the one I formed with Sherri. We spent so much time together at camp that everyone believed that I was her daughter. There were lots of jokes about our “mother-daughter team.” I have a relationship with her that I’ve never had with an adult. But when I left those two weeks, and that wonderful bubble and headed back to the real world, I know that I’m a different person.

I’ve realized that in the last two years (really, more just in the last year) how much I’ve grown. It hit me at band camp, leading sectionals one morning that I was being looked up to. Stacie told me as much, just a simple, “You’re doing a good job.” I remember my freshman year at band camp, looking up to Heather, Stephanie, Jen, Chelsea, Sylvia… all of the cool upperclassmen in my cabin. And I always believed that they must have some awesome authority and really, that they must feel so special to look down on us and lead us. And now I’m here, in that place, an upperclassman, section leader, and I realize that I don’t feel any different. But the freshmen probably look up to us just the same as we did to them. Last year at band camp I cried almost the whole week, caught up in too much drama. I deserved to be looked down on, insecure and whiny as I was. There’s a part of me that hates myself for that, but at the same time, I’m not that girl anymore, so it’s ok.

But this was supposed to be about the summer. And at band camp I realized that all of my friends have not left me for college… yet. I am still surrounded by an amazing support group, and I realize that I will still be saying that next year. My friendships have grown and molded and stretched over the years, and they will always be changing, but I know that I will always have someone, and that makes me feel good. I thought at this point I would be crying that everyone was leaving, but even so I know that those people will come back someday too, and we will begin again.

Anyway, I’m not sure what the point of this ramble is. I feel like this livejournal hasn’t really properly documented my summer, and this entry isn’t really helping either, but I tried. I’m ready for school. I really need something to focus on so I stop rambling about nothing.

You are alone? I must be blind, I must be blind!

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 20:02:46 GMT

I don't really know where to begin this entry.
I was going to try to do a day-by-day analysis of the two weeks, but that would take too long, and I don't know if I could do it anyway, because these two weeks felt like two days and two months at the same time.
Within 18 days I met and got close to people from Dimondale, Mason, the Czech Republic, Belize, Ohio, Korea, Eaton Rapids, and Curacao (Netherlands Antilles). I had six people stay in my house who I formed a bond with that I will never forget. I feel like I've known Caroline for years. Hanging out and watching friendships form I got the reality check that everyone is the same, no matter where you come from. I learned some random things, like they don't have Mountain Dew in England or Curacao. They sell Pepsi and everything else, but not MD. On the island of Curacao, there is one mall and one movie theater. For their entire country, basically.
It was cool to spend so much time with everyone and get to know people and plan trips for the next four summers, but saying goodbye sucked hardcore. Every group that left was harder. On the last night of camp, Belize left on a bus to the airport. Early the next morning, Ohio left and I said goodbye to the girl I'd shared a tent with all week. Sunday afternoon brought a last lunch with the Czech boys. And yesterday was the hardest, dropping off Curacao at the airport. I cried most of the way home, because I think I might have finally fallen in love again. Yes, with someone who lives 2302 mi (3704 km) away. If all goes well I will see him at Christmas when my family visits, and next summer at their national jamboree. We got harassed for two weeks straight (luckily mostly in Papiamentu, so I couldn't understand it anyway), but that just made it more fun. There were too many inside jokes between Sherri, JC, and I to list here.
I'm sorry this entry has been so ADD and non-informative, but there's too much to say to really put it into words.

There are lots of pictures on facebook:
Michigan International Camporee 2008 Homestay
Michigan International Camporee 2008
MIC 2008 Part 2

Before we left for camp.

Trina and Lizzie look like they're going to kill something.

Sherri and Ivan (from the Czech Republic).

Seruya (from Curacao) doing corn cheers during dinner.

After they swam a mile at 6:30 in the morning...

Caroline and Jean-Carlo Alves Da Silva

At a party after we got home from camp.

On the bus to Frankenmuth. I ended up between two Czech guys not willing to speak English. Oh what fun.

At Cedar Point

Bus home from Cedar Point